You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I still have a little drunk in my system
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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