Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Is it penis luge time yet?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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