Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
