So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
