then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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