Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
