Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
