Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
