NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
