white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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