dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
