My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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