i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
