Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
