i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I supernannyed him into submission
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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