Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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