I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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