Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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