the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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