So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
