My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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