guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My penis needs a shock collar
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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