Im at strip club and am horny
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
