I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
