he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
