if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sober January is a disaster.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Enjoy the penises
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
