Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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