I want to walk on stilts...naked
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
