Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize