It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
