Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
