do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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