Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
