If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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