so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
