Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
