That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
