My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
