Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
