I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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