I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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