Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm determined to sit on that face.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
