Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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