He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
