its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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