Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
