I cannot find my penis.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
