i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
