I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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