i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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