when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
