i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
