how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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