I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
