He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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