Are we in a gay sports bar?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
