My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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