Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
