fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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