i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
