Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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