I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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