I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
