I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
