i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
