I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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