Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
