ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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