goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
