Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
