where am i from again
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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