he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish i was in the wii world.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
