I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
