Your tits are I can't wait for
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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