You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
