Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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