Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
