...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
