I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
His hands were made for my vagina.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
